Foster Parents Online

Any foster parent will tell you that planning a meal for a large family can be daunting. We are a family that has a large meal every Sunday, and each week it’s a new ordeal. Lately, we have taken to respite care which means that each weekend we have a new set of kids sitting down to the table, rejoicing in family and enjoying a good meal. Or not.

Last Sunday, we had J and E in addition to our own brood of 6. J is 8, E is 6. I planned a typical Sunday dinner: barbecued chicken, macaroni and cheese, cabbage with corned beef, cornbread, rice, potato salad, and apple pie. After church the meal was started. I cooked while doing laundry, refereeing arguments, dusting, and entertaining family from out of town. I was exhausted by the time the serving platters hit the table and I was none-too-pleased to hear the barrage of “I don’t like” “Please don’t give me” “That’s yucky!” and “Eewwww! WHAT is THAT?!” Most of those pleas came from our weekend guests, J and E, who hadn’t been with us long enough to know or appreciate our etiquette rules of the table. In the end, J ended up with a plate full of potato salad and a tablespoon of everything else (just to try) and E, following suit, feasted on a meal of chicken and rice. Yummy.

Foster parents are in a unique position when the holidays come around. Inevitably, our traditions are pressed on our foster kids as if ours were theirs, our meal tastes and ideas imposed upon them seemingly without thought as to what their preferences or traditions are. I know that in this house, and in the homes of the majority of foster parents I network with, this is just not true.

When a big holiday comes around and we do all that we can to incorporate our new family member’s traditions into our own, but often that proves fruitless as we can not, and often should not attempt to reproduce what the children had at home. Holidays are often difficult for foster children because they may have bad memories or experiences surrounding these days that mean so much to us.

Providing respite care poses a whole new challenge because, of course, it wouldn’t make sense for us to rearrange our whole holiday for people who are only passing through. So what to do? With Thanksgiving only a week away it’s time to start shopping for our meal and planning our spreads. How will you handle the different tastes of Thanksgiving if you provide foster care or respite on this day of Thanks? This foster family shares their experience from last year…what are your ideas for this year?