Last Sunday, we had J and E in addition to our own brood of 6. J is 8, E is 6. I planned a typical Sunday dinner: barbecued chicken, macaroni and cheese, cabbage with corned beef, cornbread, rice, potato salad, and apple pie. After church the meal was started. I cooked while doing laundry, refereeing arguments, dusting, and entertaining family from out of town. I was exhausted by the time the serving platters hit the table and I was none-too-pleased to hear the barrage of “I don’t like” “Please don’t give me” “That’s yucky!” and “Eewwww! WHAT is THAT?!” Most of those pleas came from our weekend guests, J and E, who hadn’t been with us long enough to know or appreciate our etiquette rules of the table. In the end, J ended up with a plate full of potato salad and a tablespoon of everything else (just to try) and E, following suit, feasted on a meal of chicken and rice. Yummy.

Foster parents are in a unique position when the holidays come around. Inevitably, our traditions are pressed on our foster kids as if ours were theirs, our meal tastes and ideas imposed upon them seemingly without thought as to what their preferences or traditions are. I know that in this house, and in the homes of the majority of foster parents I network with, this is just not true.

When a big holiday comes around and we do all that we can to incorporate our new family member’s traditions into our own, but often that proves fruitless as we can not, and often should not attempt to reproduce what the children had at home. Holidays are often difficult for foster children because they may have bad memories or experiences surrounding these days that mean so much to us.

Providing respite care poses a whole new challenge because, of course, it wouldn’t make sense for us to rearrange our whole holiday for people who are only passing through. So what to do? With Thanksgiving only a week away it’s time to start shopping for our meal and planning our spreads. How will you handle the different tastes of Thanksgiving if you provide foster care or respite on this day of Thanks? This foster family shares their experience from last year…what are your ideas for this year?

The other day my sister-in-law (who will now be referred to as SIL to shorten the typing…which I just lengthened in explaining that…) came down. She’s a frequent visitor to our house. She was looking to get a new tattoo and had me looking up the Dreamworks logo - you know, the one with the moon and the little fisherman on the end of it? She wants that, with the crescent of the moon to be the “d” in the word “Dream”. Then she said she wanted three little stars near the Dream.

“Why three stars?” my husband asked.

“For Babygirl and Toad…” she hesitated… “and for FS.”

For those just tuning in, FS was our first toddler foster son, who lived with us from the middle of January until the end of May. He is now currently very happy in a new home with a school teacher mom, a farmer dad and two doting teenaged foster brothers.

So my SIL wants to get a tattoo of a foster son that we had with us for five months. Now I will NEVER forget any foster children we have, and am keeping a running track on my computer (complete with pics), but this, to me, is going a little far - especially as she is the SIL/Aunt and not the foster mom or dad. I really don’t know how to handle this situation without hurting her.

If she keeps this up, she’ll have a solar system on her legs before we’re done…

Yesterday, a man I’ve never met lost a son that I’d never heard of. He was five years old. Being a mother, I grieve for this man. His site is here. His son’s name is Puppy Monster.

Today, a co-worker/boss of mine suffered a terrible miscarriage.

I donated money in honor of the boy who lost his life, the man who lost his son, and my boss who lost her hope.

If you can afford five dollars, click on the picture above. It will bring you to a website where you can “purchase” a graphic for 5.00. All of the money raised will be going to this man, to show him that there are people out there who still care for strangers. If you do not have 5.00 to spare, please put a post up linking to the site, so that someone else that reads your blog might be able to link to it.

It’s actually been pretty quiet lately. No foster calls. This is a GOOD thing - this means that people are taking care of their children, which they should. So here’s an example of how I feel about some of this:

I have a nephew - Scott and I raised him from 16 - 19. If you think it’s easy raising a 16 year old when you’re only 23, think again. Anyway, he has some mental problems and eventually, after we’d helped him to graduate school and get a job and so forth, we all felt that it would be in his best interest to get an apartment. They helped him to get one and he moved out. A few months later we discovered that his girlfriend was pregnant. Oy vey.

My sister-in-law, one of his other aunts, got upset at me one day. “He’s keeping that baby clean and fed!” she yelled.

“Yeah, and he quit his job and has nothing else to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the baby is being taken care of, but it should not be impressive when someone takes care of their infant - it’s their infant, they have the responsibility to do so.”

Raising children is not a “sometimes” thing - we should not be in such a society where we are impressed when someone actually takes care of their children. That makes me sad.

Foster parenting is NOT in any way, shape or form a business.

Most people who get into foster care do so because of how they feel about children. Unfortunately some people believe that they can “work at home” by becoming foster parents.

IF you want to be a foster parent only for the money, don’t do it. A child is not a check in any way, shape or form.

It takes a special man to be that type of a father.

“Randi - I’ve got too much on my plate right now. I can’t handle anything else.”

This is her excuse for everything. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my mother with every breath in my body. I simply don’t understand how she has so much on her plate that she can’t spend more time with us and with her grandchildren. I told her the other day that I am now the treasurer for the Parent’s Club for my son’s school.

“Don’t you have enough to do?”

Let’s see, I work from home, I take care of my two children, and I do the day-to-day things that everyone else has to do. No, I don’t think I’m adding too much to my schedule.

She tends to stress out about things that she really doesn’t need to, such as getting the garden weeded or painting the front steps. So you’re a day late getting the weeds out of your garden - so what? You need to strike a balance between enjoying life and fulfilling your obligations.

This is something that all foster parents, and regular parents for that matter, have to do. You have to find a way to balance everything, which can’t be easy. Don’t feel bad to let your hair down for a night and plop in front of the TV with the kids watching movies with McDonalds for supper and ice cream for dessert - sometimes we all need to relax, and how much nicer when you can relax with your kids?

Ummmm…no.

I say this for a reason. If we were to take her in and I had to leave for the evening, for whatever reason, she could say that Scott molested her, and our own children would be taken away while we waited for a formal investigation.

Helping children is great - including your own. Sometimes you have to say “no” in order to protect your kids. Your kids come first, or else you could end up having them be in foster care.

Does anyone have any power over ComCast or Verizon because I’d REALLY like them here right now….

My opinion? I’ve said before that single foster parenting is DEFINITELY possible - but you have to be a very strong person in order to accomplish it. Foster children come with baggage, and single parenting even your OWN children can be difficult. What do you think?