Foster Parents Online

We had a call yesterday for a 17 year old girl - according to her case manager, she’s a habitual liar.

Ummmm…no.

I say this for a reason. If we were to take her in and I had to leave for the evening, for whatever reason, she could say that Scott molested her, and our own children would be taken away while we waited for a formal investigation.

Helping children is great - including your own. Sometimes you have to say “no” in order to protect your kids. Your kids come first, or else you could end up having them be in foster care.

Today we dropped of FS at DCF for a visit and he left with his new foster parents.

FS is almost 3, but has the mind of a 2 year old, thus explaining it all to him was decided against (by his case worker and therapist). I dropped him off for his visit, came home, packed all of this things, and went back to await the new parents. They seemed like a nice couple, and the mother actually started tearing up at the hopes that he can become their new son permanently.

I transferred everything to the father’s truck (out of sight of FS - he was still at the office) and went back to the office to find them fitting him into his new car seat. He was SO excited. “Mom look!” he exclaimed and proceeded to sit in it and show me how it worked. I sat back and let the new foster mom ooh and aah over everything.

Then the time came to go, and his case worker said, “Hey FS - would you like to go see some cows?” The new foster father works on a farm. He got really excited and let the foster mom help him on with his jacket.

“Say goodbye to mom,” she said to him.

He came over to me, “bye”, he said with a grin on his face. I zipped up his jacket and gave him a quick hug. “Bye baby.”

I felt myself starting to cry, which was not good for him, so I walked into the other room, leaving my biodaughter Babygirl with the therapist.

And FS walked out of my life.

Foster parenting

Next week, it is very likely that FS will be leaving our home and going to a possible adoptive home.

While I can not get a straight answer from DCF, it sounds like they will be going for TPR (termination of parental rights). We told his caseworker that if this occured, we wanted them to find a permanent home for him, as we were not going to be able to adopt him.

A few days ago his case worker said she thought they had a possible placement. Two days ago I talked to his new possible foster/adoptive mother.

They’re new to fostering and have two tweenagers, which is perfect for FS. The mother is a teacher, and the father is a farmer. This is IDEAL for him. His new foster mother sounds really nice. He will probably be heading to his new home either Wednesday night or Thursday night. We feel this is best as we have two burials to attend on Friday, and do not want him to have to have the stress of going through it all at once.

Yes, I’m a little sad, but I know that this is the best thing for him. He’s almost 3 years old and deserves someone to love him unconditionally and to be crazy for him. While we love and care for him, he does not mesh well with our family, just as we do not mesh well with him. To adopt him would lead to serious family problems, so I am glad that they have found someone who wants to adopt him.

More on this later this week…

Yesterday was what I call the “kiddie” march in our local town. It’s held by HeadStart and is to bring awareness that education for young children is an excellent thing. Over a hundred kids gather and march down the main road, stopping traffic and following a band. It is an awesome sight.

FS’s Infant/Toddler teacher had planned to go with me, because me with just FS and Babygirl in a park filled with over a hundred children did NOT sound like a good time.

Halfway through the march I hear something behind me. It’s a voice calling out FS’s name. Oh.No.

There she was, FS’s biological mother, marching behind us with one of her cronies trying to get his attention. The teacher had FS with her, and I was behind her, so I sort of tried to shield him, but it was no use. Eventually, he heard her and saw her. The next thing I knew she had abandoned her daughter to go up and hold FS’s hand - so there he was holding both hands.

We got to the park and I saw biomom try to pull FS away with her. I do not think she was attempting to run with him, but she was trying to assert dominance over him. The teacher did NOT let go.

She ended up sitting with us as we ate our ice cream, and the teacher watched over him while he played on the playground - with his biomom right there the whole time. I tried to avoid the situation, as there were so many things I wanted to say, but knew I shouldn’t. She was so focused on FS, however, that she lost her five-year-old daughter, and didn’t seem concerned about losing her.

Eventually it was time to go, and the teacher had me walk out and said she’d be behind in a few minutes. She was, and I could clearly hear FS saying, “I don’t wanna” with a pouty expression on his face. Turns out that his biomom was crying and hugging him tight. I do understand that it’s difficult, but her social worker hs explained that her doing that makes it more difficult for FS, and she’s not supposed to.

The teacher then told me that she’d overheard biomom making this statement:

“She didn’t buy you sandals? Don’t worry - momma will buy you sandals shortly.”

Yeah - he just barely (last weekend) got new shoes - like I wouldn’t get him sandals as summer came on. Uh huh. Stupid little comments like that can make you livid, but, as his social worker has said many times, there are so many more fish to fry, it’s good to not get hung up on the minnows.

Foster Parenting, FS

Today was a very rough day for me.

First of all, Scott took the day off of work and headed out of town with my SIL and her boyfriend. He NEVER takes time off of work - even when I’m half dead with sickness, he still goes in. So I am very, very curious as to where he went, and I can’t help but feel a little left out.

Next, FS decided today, of all days, to really, REALLY act up. Everything he could do to annoy me, he did. And a very little part of me was fed up enough to think about picking up the phone and calling DCF to tell them that I was done.

I restrained myself. There are hard days, but there are good days, and you just hope that you get more of the good than the hard.

I really, REALLY need a good day tomorrow.

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday! Things have gone crazy! This weeks seems like the week for appointments.

Monday FS had a Dr. Appt.
Tuesday FS had visitation
Today FS has his infant/toddler teacher visiting
Thursday Babygirl has a Dr. Appt
Friday is THE meeting.

By THE meeting, what I mean to say is that FS’s caseworker has confided in us that the purpose of the huge meeting we are invited to, is to show biomom exactly how far FS has come, and how difficult he reall is to raise. I am assuming that they hope that she will sign off her rights so that they do not have to go to court and battle. It will definitely be an interesting meeting.

FS, Biomom, Visitation

Tomorrow morning, bright and early at 8:30 A.M., I will have FS’s Infant/Toddler teacher, new EEE teacher, the EEE teacher’s boss, FS’s social worker AND therapist all here, sitting comfy and cozy in my home.

FS is turning three in a month, which means he transfers from the Infant/Toddler program to the EEE (school) program. The meeting is to discuss his need for an IEP (individual education plan) or 501 (another type of specialized education plan).

His Infant/Toddler teacher told me last week that the social worker hardly EVER shows up. Then she called me yesterday.

“So, hi, Randi? Yeah, it looks like P is going to be coming after all. Are you still okay with this?”

“I guess so - they won’t be freaked out if I’m still wearing, like, a nightie at 8:30 in the morning, will they?” (TOTAL JOKE HERE PEOPLE - my nightie comes off at 8! )

And the I spoke with this therapist twenty minutes later.

“So it looks like, as long as things go as planned, I’ll be at your house too.”

This is one thing about having a foster child that takes getting used to. Foster children have a HUGE safety net under them. It’s good because it gives you someone to turn to when you need help - it’s NOT so good when you’ve got to host them all in your house and IT’S NOT CLEAN!!!

If you need me, I’ll be scrubbing the floor!

Foster Parenting, Social Workers, EEE, Infant/Toddler

Since it’s been mostly quiet on the questions front (a few here and there that I’ve answered privately), I decided to check and see what is being typed into search engines to bring people here. Two questions popped out right off.

1 - Do I need to become a foster parent to take care of my nephew?

2 - Can I become a foster parent and still homeschool?

Two really, really good questions. Let’s answer these now, shall we?

1 - When our nephew was 16 he was diagnosed with a severe mental disorder. Because of his disorder, and his wildness, my sister-in-law could no longer care adequately for him - so we did. He was placed with us through the local department of mental health and, because of his situation, we recieved a stipend every month for his care. All of this occured before we ever had a license. This is called kinship care.

It is possible to become a caregiver for your relative without being a licensed foster parent, but the amount of money you recieve, or IF you recieve money, depends greatly on the state and the circumstances surrounding the case. DCF always does their best to find a suitable relative to take the child that has been taken into custody, but if none can be found, the child goes formally into the foster care system, living with a licensed foster family. A social worker will be the one to decide if a family member that wants to take the child is capable of doing so.

2- In our foster course we actually had someone bring up this question. She had home schooled both of her children, who were now in high school, and wanted to do the same with any foster child that came into her home. The answer from the instructor was an emphatic “no”. She explained that when a child comes into your home, you are not their legal guardian - the state is. With the state’s guidelines the child needs to be placed in a licensed school system, especially if they come to the family and are already enrolled in a school. If adoption is finalized, only then can you pull your child out of school and homeschool them.

Foster parenting, homeschooling, kinship care

I am SO sorry I haven’t posted in a few days…things have been nuts!

Working two part-time jobs (one in real live, another as a freelance writer), I am constantly trying to juggle schedules. Add a foster child into the mix who has a bunch of appointments to make and get to and you’re talking grand central station type schedules.

My husband is actually home for a week, and while this means more sleeping-in for me, it also means more schedules to juggle: what to do with so-and-so, who takes so-and-so, ect.

Just this morning I had a call from both FS’s therapist and his infant/toddler teacher to set up appointments for this week…and I STILL haven’t gotten back with his infant/toddler teacher!

But what’s wonderful about these people is that they are used to working around busy schedules, because they have them too. In some larger cities it is estimated that the average DCF caseworker handles at least 40 children. FORTY CHILDREN. I have three and I’m ready to tear my hair out.

Another reason to respect social workers.

DCF, Foster Parenting, Social Workers