Foster Parents Online

This summer is flying by - one day I post, the next day I realize that almost a WEEK has gone by since I posted! I do have, however, a good story for you.

The other day my sister-in-law (who will now be referred to as SIL to shorten the typing…which I just lengthened in explaining that…) came down. She’s a frequent visitor to our house. She was looking to get a new tattoo and had me looking up the Dreamworks logo - you know, the one with the moon and the little fisherman on the end of it? She wants that, with the crescent of the moon to be the “d” in the word “Dream”. Then she said she wanted three little stars near the Dream.

“Why three stars?” my husband asked.

“For Babygirl and Toad…” she hesitated… “and for FS.”

For those just tuning in, FS was our first toddler foster son, who lived with us from the middle of January until the end of May. He is now currently very happy in a new home with a school teacher mom, a farmer dad and two doting teenaged foster brothers.

So my SIL wants to get a tattoo of a foster son that we had with us for five months. Now I will NEVER forget any foster children we have, and am keeping a running track on my computer (complete with pics), but this, to me, is going a little far - especially as she is the SIL/Aunt and not the foster mom or dad. I really don’t know how to handle this situation without hurting her.

If she keeps this up, she’ll have a solar system on her legs before we’re done…

Yesterday, a man I’ve never met lost a son that I’d never heard of. He was five years old. Being a mother, I grieve for this man. His site is here. His son’s name is Puppy Monster.

Today, a co-worker/boss of mine suffered a terrible miscarriage.

I donated money in honor of the boy who lost his life, the man who lost his son, and my boss who lost her hope.

If you can afford five dollars, click on the picture above. It will bring you to a website where you can “purchase” a graphic for 5.00. All of the money raised will be going to this man, to show him that there are people out there who still care for strangers. If you do not have 5.00 to spare, please put a post up linking to the site, so that someone else that reads your blog might be able to link to it.

Things have been kinda nutso here this week. My new laptop came in so I’m in the process of moving my husband out of bed and the laptop in! Seriously, it’s nice to be able to be mobile and not tethered to a desk.

It’s actually been pretty quiet lately. No foster calls. This is a GOOD thing - this means that people are taking care of their children, which they should. So here’s an example of how I feel about some of this:

I have a nephew - Scott and I raised him from 16 - 19. If you think it’s easy raising a 16 year old when you’re only 23, think again. Anyway, he has some mental problems and eventually, after we’d helped him to graduate school and get a job and so forth, we all felt that it would be in his best interest to get an apartment. They helped him to get one and he moved out. A few months later we discovered that his girlfriend was pregnant. Oy vey.

My sister-in-law, one of his other aunts, got upset at me one day. “He’s keeping that baby clean and fed!” she yelled.

“Yeah, and he quit his job and has nothing else to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the baby is being taken care of, but it should not be impressive when someone takes care of their infant - it’s their infant, they have the responsibility to do so.”

Raising children is not a “sometimes” thing - we should not be in such a society where we are impressed when someone actually takes care of their children. That makes me sad.

Recently the search string “foster parenting as a business” brought a few people to this website.

Foster parenting is NOT in any way, shape or form a business.

Most people who get into foster care do so because of how they feel about children. Unfortunately some people believe that they can “work at home” by becoming foster parents.

IF you want to be a foster parent only for the money, don’t do it. A child is not a check in any way, shape or form.

Happy Father’s Day to a man who isn’t just a father to our two biological children, but a father to whom ever may come through our doors.

It takes a special man to be that type of a father.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, but my mother works at a school for…challanging…children. By this I mean she works at a school that is funded by the state for children who have behavioral issues. A lot of times these kids are not that bad - they just are in a school where the teachers are overworked and do not want to deal with any difficulties.

This school uses a type of “respite”. Whenever a child acts up to the point that they have to be asked to leave school, a person comes, picks them up, and takes them away until school ends, when they bring them back to greet the bus.

It looks like I am going to be one of the respite providers.

We’ve discussed it for a long time, but they already had 2 homes and really didn’t need a third. As it turns out, one of the homes is full up with children and the other has a sex offender living in it, so they are not a viable option. We are! I am kind of excited about this as it’s something I haven’t done before - and at the same time I’m a bit nervous because - well - it’s something I haven’t done before.

Knowing that I could have a child come into my home that is a bit wild is intimidating. But I truly believe that all children are good children, and that you can bring the good out of them with the right work and incentives.

An interesting thing to note - not that it has anything to do with the discussion, but almost all of the children at the school are male - why is that, I wonder?

I recieved this in an e-mail from FS’s new foster mom yesterday evening.

FS is doing wonderfully! We have all fallen in love with him. He’s adjusting quickly to his schedule with us. I am really hoping that he’ll be with us forever. He’s a perfect fit in our family. My children love having him in the house and he loves being with them as well. He has brought new life into our home. I must admit that I love watching my own children play with him almost as much as I enjoy playing with him myself. He is such a happy, little boy and he’s bringing great joy to all of us. My mom and dad are visiting tomorrow and they, too, are so excited about meeting him.

Thanks for your advice and especially for being there for FS when he needed you the most.

For anybody who ever wondered why a foster parent does it? The answer is right there.

Sorry it’s been a few days - Babygirl, Toad, Scott and I have been getting into a new routine since FS left our home. I had a really, really rough night on Thursday night, worrying that FS was really upset. After I wrote the post I went to Scott bawling. It was definitely tough.

Yesteday, though, I heard from his Infant/Toddler teacher. She had gone out to the new home and wanted me to know how he was doing.

“He’s got his own room, and he’s psyched about it. It’s decorated perfectly for a little boy. He’s got his own toys, and the new foster mom says that just when she starts to get tired, her older sons (they’re 12 and 14) come home and start to play with FS, so he’s always got someone willing to play with him.”

This lightened my load considerably and reminded me WHY I do this - to help children find their forever families. Looks like FS has just found his.

It doesn’t mean, though, that we will be out of his life forever - and the saga with his biomom and the new foster family is just beginning. But now I can rest easy knowing that he’s safe, he’s secure, and he’s loved the way he needs to be.

Foster Care, FS, Foster Mother, Biological Mom

Today we dropped of FS at DCF for a visit and he left with his new foster parents.

FS is almost 3, but has the mind of a 2 year old, thus explaining it all to him was decided against (by his case worker and therapist). I dropped him off for his visit, came home, packed all of this things, and went back to await the new parents. They seemed like a nice couple, and the mother actually started tearing up at the hopes that he can become their new son permanently.

I transferred everything to the father’s truck (out of sight of FS - he was still at the office) and went back to the office to find them fitting him into his new car seat. He was SO excited. “Mom look!” he exclaimed and proceeded to sit in it and show me how it worked. I sat back and let the new foster mom ooh and aah over everything.

Then the time came to go, and his case worker said, “Hey FS - would you like to go see some cows?” The new foster father works on a farm. He got really excited and let the foster mom help him on with his jacket.

“Say goodbye to mom,” she said to him.

He came over to me, “bye”, he said with a grin on his face. I zipped up his jacket and gave him a quick hug. “Bye baby.”

I felt myself starting to cry, which was not good for him, so I walked into the other room, leaving my biodaughter Babygirl with the therapist.

And FS walked out of my life.

Foster parenting

Tomorrow, after his visit with his biomom, FS will be leaving us. I will be meeting his new foster mom at DCF and transferring his things while he is still in his visit. This is good because it allows me to pack his things while he is at his visit, so he doesn’t have to see me doing it.

Yes, I am a little sad, but ideally this is what’s best for him, and that is what Foster Parenting is all about. So I’m going to spend the day goofing around with the two little ones, and trying to enjoy oursleves, and I will be back, tomorrow afternoon, with details about how it happened, and the meeting we had yesterday with his biomom (UGH).

Next week, it is very likely that FS will be leaving our home and going to a possible adoptive home.

While I can not get a straight answer from DCF, it sounds like they will be going for TPR (termination of parental rights). We told his caseworker that if this occured, we wanted them to find a permanent home for him, as we were not going to be able to adopt him.

A few days ago his case worker said she thought they had a possible placement. Two days ago I talked to his new possible foster/adoptive mother.

They’re new to fostering and have two tweenagers, which is perfect for FS. The mother is a teacher, and the father is a farmer. This is IDEAL for him. His new foster mother sounds really nice. He will probably be heading to his new home either Wednesday night or Thursday night. We feel this is best as we have two burials to attend on Friday, and do not want him to have to have the stress of going through it all at once.

Yes, I’m a little sad, but I know that this is the best thing for him. He’s almost 3 years old and deserves someone to love him unconditionally and to be crazy for him. While we love and care for him, he does not mesh well with our family, just as we do not mesh well with him. To adopt him would lead to serious family problems, so I am glad that they have found someone who wants to adopt him.

More on this later this week…

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday! Things have gone crazy! This weeks seems like the week for appointments.

Monday FS had a Dr. Appt.
Tuesday FS had visitation
Today FS has his infant/toddler teacher visiting
Thursday Babygirl has a Dr. Appt
Friday is THE meeting.

By THE meeting, what I mean to say is that FS’s caseworker has confided in us that the purpose of the huge meeting we are invited to, is to show biomom exactly how far FS has come, and how difficult he reall is to raise. I am assuming that they hope that she will sign off her rights so that they do not have to go to court and battle. It will definitely be an interesting meeting.

FS, Biomom, Visitation

Over here at 451Press, we are celebrating “take your child to work” day. Today the post will be dictated by my three year old biological daughter, Babygirl! Enjoy!

Hi! My name is Babygirl. My brother’s name is Toad. I like that FS lives with us. I like to play with him. I love FS. I wish FS would stay in bed in the morning.

Can I have an Easter candy now, Mommy??

I like to play with FS. We play with toys - FS breaks toys. I think means to do it.

Toad likes to play the Gamecube. I like to play the Gameboy. I think Daddy ate my Easter candy - he LOOOVVESS it!

*speaking to FS* FS - if you go Potty, you can have some candy!

*speaking to me as I’m typing* Mom - what are you doing? I didn’t say nuthin’!

Sometimes FS is a bad boy. I still like him though.

Thanks for reading!

foster parenting, biological children

For the first time…EVER…our foster son came to me today and told me he had to go poop - and then proceeded to go poop on the potty.

YAY!!!!

Most children that come into foster care have a problem that comes with them. Some have only minor ones, some have major ones, but none of them are perfect. Our FS’s big problem (one of many) was learning to go pee and poopy on the potty.

Today marked a landmark!

Potty training, foster children problems

Tomorrow morning, bright and early at 8:30 A.M., I will have FS’s Infant/Toddler teacher, new EEE teacher, the EEE teacher’s boss, FS’s social worker AND therapist all here, sitting comfy and cozy in my home.

FS is turning three in a month, which means he transfers from the Infant/Toddler program to the EEE (school) program. The meeting is to discuss his need for an IEP (individual education plan) or 501 (another type of specialized education plan).

His Infant/Toddler teacher told me last week that the social worker hardly EVER shows up. Then she called me yesterday.

“So, hi, Randi? Yeah, it looks like P is going to be coming after all. Are you still okay with this?”

“I guess so - they won’t be freaked out if I’m still wearing, like, a nightie at 8:30 in the morning, will they?” (TOTAL JOKE HERE PEOPLE - my nightie comes off at 8! )

And the I spoke with this therapist twenty minutes later.

“So it looks like, as long as things go as planned, I’ll be at your house too.”

This is one thing about having a foster child that takes getting used to. Foster children have a HUGE safety net under them. It’s good because it gives you someone to turn to when you need help - it’s NOT so good when you’ve got to host them all in your house and IT’S NOT CLEAN!!!

If you need me, I’ll be scrubbing the floor!

Foster Parenting, Social Workers, EEE, Infant/Toddler