The Number One Question
Friday, March 30th, 2007The biggest question I get when people find out that my husband and I are foster parents is: why?
To that I reply: “Why does a fireman become a fireman? Why does a policeman become a policeman? Why does a person go into the military?”
Every foster parent will have their own reasons for going into this demanding job. Some do it because they can have no children of their own and hope to adopt, others do it because they were mistreated as children themselves and want to save another child from that fate, while still others do it just for the money. Let me give you a hint: if you’re doing it for the money you’re going to be vastly disappointed. But we’ll save that for another post.
My husband was a foster child. When he was 18 months old he was removed from his mother’s care and placed with a family that came to love him and, eventually, adopt him. To him, these parents are his true mom and dad. His parents continued to foster children and he saw tons of boys and girls enter their care and leave. Some were reunited with their biological parents, others were moved to another foster home or adopted, but most of them would eventually come back on their doorstep and say, “thank you.” My husband does it because he loves children and wants to give back to them the opportunity that was given to him.
I am an only child. My parents divorced when I was 16 months old and my mother raised me herself until I was in eighth grade. From her I learned to be a strong, independant woman, but I always felt I was missing something. I never had any siblings and was more at home conversing with grown-ups than other children my age. When I was a teen I thought that my mother should become a foster parent and urged her to do so, but she would just grumble and say that it was too much work and there were no guarantees that you would not get a child that would hurt your family.
I wanted to become a foster parent because I love children, plain and simple. To me children are the most innocent of the entire human race and do not deserve to have to suffer, ever, period. Unfortunately this world is not a gentle place and for many, many children, hell is a place called home. I am in hopes that the children we foster and have fostered will learn that there is unconditional love and become better people for it.
The point is that you do what you can - what you’re able to do. My husband and I are fortunate that we are able to foster, but even if you’re not, spending just an hour a week with a child by being a big brother or big sister impacts their lives in ways that we as adults will never fully understand.
